Moving house is not just about moving your material things….

I looked around the room and saw several boxes in varying degrees of getting packed.  Papers, printouts of lecture notes, meetings and the like were on the floor as we have started sorting out our things for our move to Quezon City.

We have been residents of Sta Rosa for 8 years now – so as anyone could imagine, moving to another place is not only about moving your physical belongings but moving all those things, events and memories associated with the place and people and friends who will be left behind.

While we felt that it was time to move closer to the office so that the long drive to the office would no longer be necessary, there are some considerations that occupied our thinking process for quite awhile.

Moving means going outside your comfort zone. And as one grows older… the comfort zone is well… comfortable indeed.

Last January, I told my wife about the ongoing construction and the added dilemma in driving to Quezon City.  We thought if there was a great time to move from Laguna, this would be the time as the construction of SLEX Skyway would take until the better part of 2011.  It would normally take 3 hours now to get to QC and with the high temperatures during the daytime, the car was also threatening to overheat many times along the jam-packed SLEX on weekdays.

We prayed hard where the Lord would take us considering the high cost of rental these days.  And as always, He did.

We are moving to Quezon City and we know the owners very, very well.  They had repainted the house and all we need to do is to haul our things over there.  We thank God for their consideration and for even asking us to consider their property.  We did not know that they were moving out as well.  The timing could not have been more perfect.

So now as I look at the boxes and sift through all my belongings… it feels as if I am sifting through my life history.

- A letter from my mother in-law written several weeks after the wedding.

- My letter to my wife on our first month as a couple.

- Records of hospitalizations and bills paid – a testimony of God’s loving provision.

- Pictures, small souvenirs and other things bought in the process of building a home.

All these things are making me  acutely aware of the things we will miss when we move out here.

First, the quietness of the place.  There are no tricycles allowed in the village.  Where we are moving, the tricycles dominate the streets.

We will miss the convenience of driving to Tagaytay for coffee and recreation.

The ease of walking Beans and Peanut in the huge soccer field.

Coffee with neighbors and friends.

But there is one more thing that I will terribly miss when we move out. And it is only when we started packing did I realize that I had forgotten to do something…. and that is to grieve.

Last May 11, after delaying the execution of this painful decision for 2 months, we finally had our beloved dog Toepy put to sleep.  I had been in communication with the vet since March, but could not let go of our baby Toepy.

She had suffered a lot of health issues including hematomas on both ears. It had been difficult for her – but I did not realize how much difficult it would be for me.

I could still feel her seated comfortably on my lap as I stroked her nape. I gently carried her to the table where Dr Hernandez injected her with the medicine to put her to sleep.  Twice, to put her into deeper sleep.  She was like a baby slowly getting very sleepy and I held her and her head was on my hand as I whispered to her what had been our “baby-talk ” to her.  ”Toepy-let, klupingpang, tunchanlan sam sung, chunlan…!”  Long story about that line, but she would always relax when I say those words to her using my baby-talk tone… she would always slowly close her eyes as if really luxuriating on the vocal pampering done on her.

She was asleep but I kept stroking her.  I guess I was still trying to hold on to her….and as I did, I whispered “thank you Toepy… thank you Toepy…”

Dr Hernandez took another syringe and said “You might want to go out for this…”

I bravely said “No i will stay here…what is that?”

“This, Dr Hernandez replied, I will inject directly to her heart to make it stop…”

I hesitated for a moment… but I didn’t want to lose it right in front of him and I stepped out.  Manny Villar was on TV giving his speech congratulating Noynoy Aquino.  I literally forced my head to look at the TV so that I will be distracted from what was happening inside the clinic.

Fighting tears.

Fighting that miserable feeling of losing a dog that had been so faithful.

You see with Toepy, everyday is a good “carry-me and put me-in your lap day.  Everyday is a ‘we don’t have to do anything day but just let me be by your side day…”

With our black lab, Beans, everyday is a good day to play.  He would always stand on the gate with his front paws resting on the bars with his bone or toy in his mouth, and those eyes that seem to say “Can my person come out and play?”

With Peanut, everyday is a good day to go out and see what the world is like outside….

After a few moments, Dr Hernandez called me in.  There she was still lying on the table.  I gently placed my right hand on her chest. The heart was no longer beating.

Breathless… my baby Toepy-let is gone.

I wrapped her in her towel and closed her partially opened eyes…and said my goodbyes.

My emotions were welling up inside me as I walked out of the clinic.  Thanked the doctor and tried to compose myself. Outside was a korean lady with a beautifuk Siberian Husky waiting for their turn.  They looked at me as I grabbed Toepy’s chain from the bench where we were seated minutes ago and drove away.

I got home and Wifey asked me “how are you Lovey?” and I was swept away by the flooding of emotions that just bursts out. Like a dam, my heart exploded and we cried and cried….

But there was no time to grieve.  We had to drive to Cavite for the youth camp.  No one uttered a word during our drive to the youth camp.  I was too shaken.

The feeling was terrible.  Preparing the youth camp when hours earlier, I just put my baby dog to sleep.

And at the youth camp, the movie that was shown was ‘Hachi” – a story of a faithful Akita who kept waiting for his master to arrive at the train station for 10 years. Can you imagine feeling dead and crying inside while maintaining your composure after the movie and with more than 100 campers and 40 staff, particularly that night?

And two youth camps later, as I pack and sort out my things… I remember that I still have some grieving left to do.

We are saying goodbye to this place, but also in one essence, I am saying goodbye to Toepy.  She was a year old when we transferred here. She was beautiful and even the kids (now in th eir teens) knew her name.  She just wanted to be close to us.  She wanted to be carried.  Her body would go limp when I carry her and she would tilt her head back as I would repeat again and again my baby -talk  for her.

A few days later, I got an email from a prayer online group with an article “Do our pets go to heaven when they die?”  Very interesting read.  Very comforting read – but I do not know. It is plausible.  Very comforting, but theologically, something that would still be proven.

So you see, moving is not just about packing things and hauling them somewhere. It is about sorting out your life, indexing memories and gently putting them for safe-keeping, either in boxes, different containers, or in the deep recesses of you mind, where they can be lovingly played out as memories, of  years gone by.

Goodbye Toepy.  We carry your memories with us wherever we go.

Thank you Laguna Bel-Air for giving us a warm, nice comfortable place we called home for the past eight years.