Are you becoming too self-absorbed?

You meet a person you have not seen for a long time.  It felt great seeing this friend and being able to reconnect and share stories.  You asked some questions that seemed to go well… so well as a matter of fact that, 25 minutes into the conversation, it begins to dawn on you that the only thing that interests this person is talking about his/her life.

This has always been a very disappointing event.  When what should be a two-way conversation rapidly disintegrates into a one-way street. 

This happened to me recently.  And when it did, I thought about an ongoing discussion that I was having with my wife, regarding some people who keep on talking about their interests, their lives and everything else.  This one-way conversation lasted for more than 20 minutes because I was still giving the person the chance to ask me anything.  Any questions related to my life, work, pets, places I’ve hinted visiting the past several months…

For twenty minutes, I just listened and I must admit, it got pretty boring and it was getting difficult feigning interest. I politely asked to be excused.

After that conversation, I had to reflect about how I handle conversations.  People generally need to know that you care about them before they share anything.  And the basic way of showing care and compassion is by genuinely asking them questions about things in their lives and making good follow-up questions. Resist the temptation to enumerate the places you have been and the clients you were talking to prior to this present conversation.

Show interest by asking pertinent questions from the topics being discussed. People generally drop hints or clues about where they are at – and follow it up by asking questions that will enhance the conversation.  Open-ended questions would help the conversation move along.

Make each conversation count.  Have you learned anything about the life of the person you are conversing with?  It is pretty pathetic when for 20 minutes, you failed to ask a single question about your friend’s family. If he is married, ask about his wife, children, pets … anything!

How about you?  Do you know that there is another conversation where our self-absorption would also be seen?

Have you listened to your prayers recently? If we are not careful, our prayers become a nightly litany of our needs and our wants.  Instead of giving ourselves the chance to listen to what God, our Father, may also be telling us in our prayer/conversation with Him.

The next time you are engaged in a conversation with someone you know, a friend, acquaintance, neighbor or a classmate… check your conversational style.  Are you engaged in the moment? Are you listening intently so you can ask questions that would show you care?

I hope we learn to slowly disengage from our self-absorbed conversations.