It is my birthday today because of you…

Marcelina Salarda Dela Pena, 75.

I woke up early again today. Today is my 42nd birthday. And this is the day of the year when I remember my Mom the most in a very, very personal way. Much more personal than Mother’s Day.

The other day I went to my parents’ house to visit my Mom. She was by herself, accompanied faithfully by Megan (the German Shepherd).

Not having seen her for the past 2 months because of the recent US trip, I carried with me the laptop where all the pictures were contained.

She politely asked me some questions about some of the pictures but you could tell that it was already very tiring for her.

As it turned out – she had not eaten lunch and it was already 1PM. I set the table for her and asked her to eat. Being a mother – she peppered me with “Kain ka na..” but my appetite was elsewhere and I could not eat anything even if my life depended on it.

A lot of things go through my mind whenever I visit my Mom and Dad. It is as if everytime I am there – a part of me needs to let go of something. Or a memory of something needs to be altered a bit. The present reality has a way of intruding into any carefully preserved memory I have of my mom. She is turning 75 on November 1st and so many things have changed for her. ( and for us).

I remember that time when my brother and I went and bought a wheelchair for her. That was a clearly marked node in my life. I see small container of her medicines – and years before when I was growing up, the only thing she took was Vitamin C.

I still remember clearly the day when I started realizing how age is catching up on her. I was staying in Paco on my own and asked her to join me for a movie one night. We were walking toward the theater and I was walking my normal brisk pace – and my Mom tried to keep up. A couple of steps later she said “teka, hindi ko na kaya maglakad ng mabilis….” (wait, I cannot walk fast anymore). I remember marking that night. She transitioned from a super-Mom to a Mom who could not walk fast anymore. I remember when I was a boy trying to catch up with the pace of her walk… and now she was asking me to slow down that night.

I brought a digital camera with me when i visited her. Part of it was intentional so that I could take pictures of her – my attempt to have more pictures of my Mom.

Thank you for these beautiful hands that labored hard to feed me and send me to school.

I also did a close-up of her hands. I had long wanted to write something about her hands because those beautiful hands worked so hard so I could be what I am now. Those hands toiled for so many years so I could get an education. My mom sent us to school through her meager teacher’s salary. It was like having a single-Mom as I was growing up.

Thank you Mom for everything. Thank you for not giving up when it was easier to just give up. You are getting a lot older before my eyes and I am often left wondering how many more years till the Lord our God calls you home. I wish I could make your life comfortable. I wish I could rebuild the house and make it beautiful for you. There are so many things I wish I could do for you.

And at the end of every visit… you would always say “thank you for the visit…” that really gets to me everytime. I wish I can do more.

I am 42 today. Thank you for giving life to me. Today is my personal Mother’s Day for you. I am the one receiving all the greetings from family and friends, but it was you, 42 years ago, that made it all possible for me.

Thank you Mom. I love you.