Compassionate Considerations

How we unwittingly, or otherwise, break the hearts of the young ones…

Posted on 14 July 2009

The previous blog talked about how my heart gets broken by the younger generation.  One good question to ask is this “But how are we unwittingly breaking their hearts?”

Many times, adults are not aware of how their behaviors and attitudes can really make it difficult for a younger person. And in recent years, we have seen an increase in intentional harming done to our young men and women, and many times, it would take many years for them to recover from each one.

How do we unwittingly break their hearts?  What I offer is not an exhaustive list – but what I have seen as a common thread among the young people that I have worked with for some 20+ years.

1. Violence – physical violence in the home has been a common ingredient mentioned by the young people.  They may be punched in the stomach (so that there won’t be any evidence,) hair pulled, slapped hard or any form of physicality that would induce pain.  This could damage them to the core of their personhood.  This readily transmits to them that they are nothing compared with the brute force of the aggressor and that they cannot be safe with anyone.

2. When we laugh at their dreams and ridicule them for being so small.  When we tell them that they are not going to be anything in the world.

3. When we make sweeping judgments about their personalities, looks, talents etc. When they are not handsome or beautiful enough, their noses are not sharp enough, their eyes are too big, their tummies are too round and when we joke about them – these are words that hurt.  And the wounds stay for a long, long time.

4. When we break their trust. Particularly when parents break the trust of their children.

5. Sexual abuse disclosures among celebrities have become so common these days.  How about the millions that go unreported?  How about the millions that are still ignored to this day?

6. When parents show favoritism toward their children.  I was having this conversation with a 58year old woman who visibly showed emotional pain as she said “My Mom played favorites – even to this day, plays favorites with her grandchildren… and she added “with my Mom, it does not rain for everyone….”

7. When there are no clear sense of structure as the young ones are growing up.

8. When they are exposed to pornography, violent movies, horrror movies at a young age.  Their sensibilities could be warped and could be heavily influenced by the visuals shown in those.

9. When we don’t listen because we are too busy to care.

10. When we assume that they are the young ones – so they must be the one to turn to us.  I was sitting inside a courtroom and the judge was about to settle a dispute between a grandfather and his grandson.  I was very much appalled when this seemingly sensitive judge said to the grandson (who was a victim in this case), “O, ikaw ang nakababata, ikaw ang lumapit sa Lolo mo at humingi ng tawad…”

I was very much appalled.  Right in that courtroom, this judge was ordering this teenage boy to approach the grandfather and apologize to him.  The victim saying sorry to the unrepentant aggressor.  The victim remained a victim because of his age and because as how this judge put it “sa kultura natin… ang bata ang dapat humingi ng tawad sa matanda…”

Well I wanted to stand and say – “YOU GOT IT WRONG JUDGE!”

This young person needs to be heard and for his wounds to be acknowledged. His youth and this culture of respecting the old people (very wrongly applied in this case, I may say!) put him in a very disadvantaged position.

I don’t intend to sound preachy here – but God has given a formula in dealing with the young people.  It is only God who can do this for us.  We may try – but without God’s intervention, our puny efforts will fall flat all the time.

Malachi 4: 5 – 6 The Bible says He will send an Elijah and his preaching will turn the hearts of the fathers toward the children – and the children’s hearts toward the fathers.

We break the hearts of the young ones when our hearts are turned away from them.  We wonder why they are not listening to us, why they are not responding to us – simply because our hearts are turned away.

In the same way we respond to Christ’s love because He first loved us.

Are you a parent?

Are you a significant adult to a younger person?

It is time to have an honest look at how we may unwittingly be breaking their hearts.

I pray that you will help them find their wholeness instead of the broken, disembodied, fragmented life they perceive it to be.